What is the difference?

What is the difference?

A couple months ago, a friend was reading Help Meet during her lunch break. Not wanting to get into the specifics, she simply mentioned that she was reading a book on how to be nicer to her husband. She thought this would be acceptable to most wives and not cause a stir. Little did she know how appalling this effort has become in today’s society.

The two women she was having lunch with jumped at the chance to complain about this commonsense aspect of marriage. Granted we do not know the women’s home situation, but the comments they made really caused my friend and I to laugh out of disbelief. “Why do you have to be the one to make an effort?” “Why doesn’t he do something for a change to be nicer to you?” “Why does he deserve you to be nice to him?” And on and on. They truly could not understand why anyone would want to be nicer to their husbands.

Why is it so different with husbands? I have seen women treat their husbands cruelly with behavior they would never dream of directing toward anyone else. They are more considerate and thoughtful when it comes to everyone else but their husbands.

A clear picture of this came in my life when Scott and I were married about 6 months. We were living in a small apartment rented to us by a member of our congregation. We were expecting houseguests from India for our New York Family Camp and I was really excited to be the hostess for our friends from afar. In getting the house extra clean and tidy, I thought, why am I spending so much effort getting the house together for friends when I had not previously done that for my husband. I wanted to impress our guests, but should I have not also put forth the effort to impress my husband?

This example has led me to consider my service to my husband as the same service I would give an honored guest. After braving the world every day to give us a house and food, he should be honored. (For those of you that would argue this point, remember “You serve Christ by serving your husband, whether your husband deserves it or not (50),”) Shouldn’t a home be a haven for a husband? And believe me, everyone wins when I put forth the effort to make the house have that extra touch.

So, when you go to the store, do you smile and say nice greetings to the store clerk? Do you always remember that your sister likes her ice tea without sugar? Do you find ways to be of service to others and help out when you are guest in their home? Think of every act of service and nice gesture toward your husband is fulfilling God’s command to “Treat others the same way you want them to treat you.”

Here is a passage I got off the Internet a few years back. It gives a nice perspective on service.

“You could say Matthew 25:35-36 this way:
My husband is hungry so I will give him good food to eat so that he is filled with warmth and love.
My husband is working hard in the yard so I will bring him a fresh glass of iced lemonade to refresh his body and spirit.
My husband is feeling alone so I will go to him and comfort him in ways that he will appreciate.
My husband needs clean clothes so I will sort them and wash them and fold them and hang them up so they are there when he needs them.
My husband is ill so I will comfort him and bring him food in bed and cleanse his face so he knows I care.
My husband is imprisoned by others actions and he feels discouraged and confused so I will go to him and pray with him and be there when he needs me.”

“When we serve our husbands we begin to grow softer spirits, more loving hearts. When we serve our husbands our marriage is renewed and nurtured. When we serve our husbands what we are really doing is serving Jesus. We will be blessed in ways we can hardly imagine!”

Proverbs 31:12,13 “The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life.”


In the self-help section of any bookstore you will find books written on every aspect of human life dissected and probed to reveal the instant fix for anyone’s ailing mind. The preacher at our congregation said once that he was going to write a book on how to loose weight. It will have two chapters. Chapter one: Eat Less. Chapter two: Exercise More.

There is something to be said about simplicity. Here is my book on how to be a ‘better’ person, a topic that has sold millions of books and has packed out arenas: Chapter One: Serve your husband. In serving our husbands we will be better wives, mothers, friends and have a more peaceful and happier life. The best advice is the Truth found within the pages of the Bible. Submit and Serve Christ as you serve your husband.